When Reality and Fiction Meet

As I mentioned a little while ago, I've been working on a new manuscript for the past two months and have shockingly been making progress on it. It's a story set in my own house, using elements from my own life, which is always the easiest place to start and embellish.

The idea for the story came to me over the winter. I was lying in bed and had nearly fallen asleep when I heard two pronounced footsteps in the attic above my head. They were not the sounds an animal would make. They were human sounding footsteps. Only two of them. Two footsteps that started and ended in the middle of the room. I would've thought I was imagining it except that my faithful cat, who was lying beside me, also looked up at the sound, confirming that the footsteps were not some half-dream hallucination.

This past week, I finished writing a scene where a bird delivered a message to a character in the attic. The attic in the story is my attic. Oddly enough, two days ago, a bird mysteriously showed up in our attic a day after completing the scene. The bird was one meeting the description of the bird in the story. There seemed to be no way the bird could have ended up in there, but my wife clearly saw it at the window when she was outside. Even more puzzling, when she went to free it, it wasn't there.

These are the kinds of events that give me the encouragement to continue. It's the kind of thing that reminds me how art, and the creation of art, exist in a strangely connected way to life that is a mystery worth exploring.

Scattered Thoughts

Over the past month I'd been trying to work on several projects at once. I was feeling ambitious and energetic when I made that fateful decision, but as I got busier and busier, I found the effort was a bit too much to take on. Something had to give. This week I made the choice to shelve the new novel I'd started back in December. 

I hate when this happens. I go into each new novel with such high hopes and when they sputter out, it can be devestating. But I had to face facts. My momentum on the story had stalled a little. When this happens, I always try to figure out why, so that I can correct it and change courses. While I'm pretty sure where I started to go wrong, I didn't have the focus to correct it at this time. Rather than struggle through it, I'm going to focus on two children's book projects that I've been tinkering with, and which have been moving along nicely. I've also decided to continue with a revision of a novel length manuscript that I'd completed nearly two years ago. I figure that is something that will take up less energy and keep me on track. 

I hope to go back to the novel once I've finished these other projects. Perhaps with a clearer mind, I'll be able to accomplish the vision I'd set out with. Balancing your imagination is all part of the writing process. You have to go where the energy is at in the moment, however hard that may be to accept. 

When Characters Get ANGRY!

One of the trickiest things to deal with sometimes is the strong emotions of a character. It's easy to get their words out in these situations, but harder to relay their actions. The problem is that writing is a controlled medium, and having to express uncontrolled rage can be difficult within the confines of language. 

I'm dealing with a lot of this in the manuscript I'm currently working on. Tensions run high in the story and I find myself consistently tangled in the frustrations of my characters. And though I do have ways of showing these feelings that I've developed over the years, I try my best not to revert to old habits that simply say things that I've already said. 

The art of anger is subtle, despite the action being very primal.

The Call of Isolation

My current novel deals heavily with feelings of isolation, both imposed and imagined. These can be difficult themes to express in ways that don't feel as confining as the feelings themselves. So instead of focusing on the internal emotions involved, I've tried to surround the story with the outside tensions they create.

Thankfully, there are plenty of conflicts to focus on. It is possibly the most plot driven book I've attempted to date. But as with my other novels, it is a plot that affects the characters on a deeply personal level. The tricky part is finding the balance between advancing the story and making sure the affect on the characters comes through in an honest and compelling way. It's a challenge, but one I feel up to at the moment.

Catching Bumble Bees

Sometimes it's easier to write the emotional sections that make readers swoon than to write those that sting. I've never had too much trouble affecting sadness, or sweetness. My challenge has always been detailing those events that cause the reader to shift uncomfortably in their chairs as something disturbing crosses the page. 

In my newest manuscript, I've created a story ripe with those moments and it's been difficult at times to secure the feeling I'm aiming for. As a writer, sometimes you have to step out of the areas you excel at in order to write something new and interesting, not only for the reader, but for your own interest in the process. Given this, the writing has been slow in parts as I try to move through unfamiliar situations. It's not always easy, but then again, no one ever said writing was supposed to be.

One Step at a Time

For my new manuscript, I've been following a different course than usual. Typically I allow my characters to create their own arc and the story develops around that. But given the nature of the story I've chosen to tell this time, I decided to adhere to the classical three act structure. The first act being exposition and establishing the world until a dynamic incident occurs to set up the second act where the character attempts to deal with the situation, concluding in the third act.

In the past I've tried to avoid a strict interpretation of this natural unfolding of events. I've always enjoyed a fluid story that can overlap acts in interesting ways. But there are certain types of stories that are just tailored made for the established rules. Having moved into the second act, I feel as though this current tale is one of them. A big part of writing is not only having a good story, but knowing the best way to tell it.

Look Out! Here I Come!

When working on a manuscript there always seems to come a moment when I'm unsure what should happen next. I'll be chipping away at a nice pace, knowing that after this chapter or that chapter, my current path will have expired. Not that I would say I'm completely lost, but I've reached the end of what I'd completely thought out. 

These are the parts of a story that one must navigate with care. But they must be navigated quickly. At some point you have to simply barge through, commit to a turn and take it or you risk sputtering out. Today I'm going to reach one of those points in my current novel. Thankfully, I've spent enough time taking the long view before I started writing that I know a lot of things that I want to happen. So it becomes a matter of choosing a direction rather than inventing one.

Perhaps the worst part of dealing with these dilemmas is the way I tend to slow down before reaching them. It's as if I don't want to finish the scene I'm working on until I know the next one. But tomorrow is an off day for me, so I should have plenty of time to plot out my route. Wish me luck.

When This World Will End

Disaster! that was what Lee continually yearned for. Or, to come limping in to the next station to find it abandoned by everyone save only a single old man, the sort who would enjoy telling of the catastrophe that had overtaken the earth. --from The Sweet-Scented Manuscript by Tito Perdue

I've been thinking a lot about the end of the world lately. Not in a morbid way, but as part of my creative process. I started a new manuscript this week where the end of the world is the central theme.

It doesn't take place there.

It's not a doomsday story or a post-apocalypse fantasy.

My exploration is more about how we relate to something that most of us feel is an inevitable fate. It's a theme that has been around since the beginning of man. Lately, it's been gaining traction in our collective imagination throughout the last century and into this one. Recently, it's consumed a large portion of literature written for teenagers and children.

Recently I started to wonder what the affect all of that thinking would be on a character today. As a child, I often thought about the end of the world and knew I was doomed to survive it. The event itself isn't interesting or important, except in the sense of ways to prevent it. But what's really intriguing is how we relate to it. If one thinks he or she will survive or not?

Return from The Dark Forest

My exile from here was brief, but hopefully didn't go unnoticed. However, yesterday I finished the first draft of a what I hope will be a breakthrough project and can now resume my regularly scheduled blogging responsibilities.

The manuscript was something I started on a whim, less than a month ago. A dark, adventurous fairy-tale, it was one of those sparks that quickly engulfed my imagination. Through most of the story, I wrote feverishly. By the time I typed the last word yesterday afternoon, it had become 130 pages in length and nearly 40,000 words...a true novel...the first in what I envision as a four book arc.

Honestly, I'm excited to read through it. Typically I dread reading first drafts, but not this time. I know there's a lot of work and embellishing that needs to happen in the next stage, but that's okay. The foundation is solid. Decorating is the fun part, especially when I already pretty much know what color to paint the walls and where to place the furniture.

A Title For My New Novel

After months of searching for the right title for my new novel, it finally has one. Part of the problem with titling this book for me was that it's such a special novel. It's brimming over with the best imagery I've written to date and is such a powerful and heartfelt story that I felt the title needed to convey the mood of the book. With the help of my wonderful editor and publisher, I think it now does:

Life Is But A Dream

It evokes the character's state of mind as she struggles with reality, but also captures the sense of wonder that she has toward life. It's also a play on the Lewis Carroll quote that opens the story...."Is all our life, then, but a dream / Seen faintly in the golden gleam."

The book will be out some time next year. I will of course be more specific once I know the release date.

A Name is Everything

I'm working on hopefully what will be the final draft of my new novel which means it's time to settle on a title. I'm terrible at titles. Mostly because I know there is a lot of importance to what a book is called. Here's what I believe:

A title has to relate to the story. I hate when titles are misleading.

A title has to convey the mood of the story.

Those two criteria alone aren't so difficult. The trick is, the title also has to be appealing. I can think up a million creative titles that capture the mood and essence of the story, but they typically end up being what we in the biz term 'quiet titles' and quiet titles in a flooded market are deathly.

I currently have a list of several dozen possible titles for this book with none are jumping out at me at the moment. I still have faith that it will come to me in the end. Several of my novels have been titled only after I've finished the last draft and only after hours of exhaustive work. I just need to be drained to come up with them...otherwise, as this post makes obviously clear, I over think such a minor detail as the title.

Come to think of it, I have a hard time naming characters as well. I typically change their names at least once in the writing process. Perhaps this is why I've thought about names for a potential child since I was seventeen...and the by the way, still not settled on that either.

When Reading Becomes Telepathic

I wonder if non-writers realize just how many times a writer is forced to read their own manuscript. Re-reading is the first step before every draft. Read and edit. Read and edit. Sometimes it feels like an endless cycle.

I estimate that I read every manuscript at least ten times before publication. Of course, every time the pages say something slightly, if not completely different. Even so, by the time the book goes to print, I'm usually left with the feeling of never wanting to read a word of it again.

Then the printed book arrives several months later and I'm struck with an urge to re-read it and usually find that I didn't remember the story being quite the way it is. I shift and add and delete so many scenes to my books over the course of the writing process, that realistically, the characters have two novels worth of story in my head. I don't always remember which are in and which are out.

I'm reading through my latest novel now for hopefully the last time before copy edits. At this point, I'm confident the opening line will stay the same, so I thought I'd share:

Something is wrong with the sky, yet it's perfect in it's own way.

Mind if I Intrude...

This week I've finally started tackling what should be the final revision of my novel. These changes are different than my own neurotic self-doubt that guide earlier drafts, they're actually based on my editor's input. Last week, I spent enough time thinking about the changes, reading through through the manuscript and making notes that it was time to get in there with the carving knife. Well, more like a scalpel. It's not so much an overhaul that needs doing as it is a nip and tuck that will change the overall effect.

One thing I was really nervous about was finding the voice again. Surprisingly, that hasn't been so hard. My character, Sabrina, has a very unusual perspective that I thought it would be harder to get back inside her head. It really hasn't been. She's feeling cooperative. Her companion is being a bit stubborn, but that's in his nature.

The hardest part is trusting the choices I make. A lot of what I'm doing is shifting the order of scenes around, deleting scenes, and trying to take the important parts of those deleted scenes and incorporate them into existing scenes. This is a frustrating process simply because there is so much plot to keep track of. The problem stems from the fact that the existing plot is weaved into a tightened narrative where one idea flows into next. You start pulling threads and...well, you know how it goes.

While I tread carefully, I find it interesting how the characters take the complete turning upside down of their world all in stride. There's a life lesson there I'm sure of it. Not that they have much of choice though. So perhaps the life lesson should be on hold for now.

Maybe You See the Same as Me...

I was around eight years old when I had what I believed amounted to a profound thought. All of the sudden, I wondered if all people saw colors the same way. It seemed highly possible that they did not. Maybe what I saw as blue, someone else saw as pink, but we called them the same thing because we learn language by association.

I didn't know then that what I was really discovering, in my own way, was the idea of perception. We all see the world in different ways. I play with this concept a lot in my books. My characters often have a unique and strange way of filtering the world through their own particular lenses.

With my new novel (which still doesn't have a final title and that's why I annoyingly continue to refer to it as "my new novel") I took this concept a step farther. The main character suffers from acute Schizophrenia and truly sees the world differently. She can see the sky change colors. She can see outlines on the sun. She can see static moving through air. To tell her story, I truly had to make myself see the way she does -- I had trade pink for green.

Will You Let Me Back In?

Distance can be a good thing when it comes to writing. It is for me. I get so deep into a novel when I'm writing it that it becomes like a puzzle that can only fit together one way.

There is always a little bit of time between turning in a draft and when the revision ideas come from an editor. I used to dread this time, worried that I would never be able to get back into the story. I don't worry about that so much anymore. I've proven to myself over and over that it's not a problem. So now I welcome the time to gain some new perspective. However, I can't expect my main character to always simply allow me right back in their head.

"You think you can just leave me here? I've been in these pages for months with no one to talk to and I don't know if I should be angry or grateful that you've come back," I imagine them saying to me. Then the dreaded question, "Are you going to leave me again if I do?"

"Yes. In a way," I tell them. (It's never a good idea to lie to your characters even in your borderline institutional conversations.)

So there's always this process of trying to regain their confidence and story. I never dive right in like the drunk crashing a party. Instead, I spend some time thinking about the changes I could make. Then I make a lists. Lots of lists. Things that could go. Things that could be added. Then I spend time trying to figure out where these transplants fit into the whole story. I find this approach brings me back into the fold easier. Then working on the actual revised draft feels more like a good get together with an old friend rather than an awkward run in at the pharmacy with someone you'd hoped to avoid for the rest of your life.

Oh, How We Dread

I think there's an assumption out there that somehow the whole publishing process gets easier once you've established yourself as a writer. That's only partially true. It allows that you can usually get someone to at least read your next manuscript. But in the creative world, you're only as good as your current project.

I still get this deep dread inside me whenever I send off a manuscript. I never send out anything that I don't think is good, but that's no guarantee that anyone else will agree. I sent off the manuscript for my new novel to my publisher last month. In my opinion, it was the best thing I'd ever written, but I was extremely nervous about the reaction it might receive fro a variety of reasons, some real and others a creation of my own self-loathing. Earlier this week, I got a response:

"This novel is beautiful, poignant, authentic and really conveys the horror (and the comfort) of the schizophrenic mind."

There is still work to be done, but a positive start certainly makes revisions seem easier to tackle. After spending so much time and energy on something, there's nothing worse than thinking you'd have to start over from scratch or that the story you invested so much life into is suddenly deemed worthless. Thankfully, I dodged another one...

Monday Morning Glory

This week, I want to share a line that has been stuck with me for fourteen years. For over a year, The Verve's Northern Soul album felt like the soundtrack to my life. The words and music completely captured the way I felt, living in a small apartment on St. Mark's Place in New York City, my body filled with substances and my mind filled with make-believe. There are many, many lines in that album that I could pick out, but there is one in particular that my mind always returns to. It comes from the song "Life's An Ocean" and it goes like this:

-Imagine the future, woke up with a scream

I was buying some feelings from a vending machine-

Richard Ashcroft

What a horrifying, yet believable image even in the mid '90s. It is even more believable today in a world where so many emotions are controlled by prescription. In a more metaphorical sense, we can download applications designed for momentary enjoyment and our serotonin levels are constantly jumping with each new posted comment or text that comes into our world. We are sort of living that future now and forever marching forward.

As with the previous two lines, this one was integral to the development of one of the main characters in my new novel. He views the world through the same lens as one who might write that line. Another bit of trivia, the lines that follow these in the song make up the quote in the beginning of my novel Perfect World.

-There's something inside of me

Crying out for something else

And if someone hears this scream

Put it in a letter to me-

Richard Ashcroft

As I said, this album played a huge part in my life in the years where I was really finding out who I was artistically. If you don't own it, I highly recommend you do. It is still one of ten favorite albums of all time.

Monday Morning Glory

To continue my series of revealing amazing lines or phrases that for one reason or other haunt me, this week I've chosen what might be the most interesting sentence ever written. I'm incredibly jealous of this sentence. From the first time I read it in spring of '97, I've been kind of obsessed with its author.

"In Watermelon Sugar the deeds were done and done again as my life is done in watermelon sugar."

— Richard Brautigan (In Watermelon Sugar)

Not only is this line a perfect bit of surrealism that captures the kind of imaginative childhood imagery that has always fascinated me, but it also an amazing little piece of writing with a cadence and rhythm that is so striking. The rhythm of words is such a huge part of my writing style. I'm forever reading and re-reading sentences and playing with them until they not only say what I want but also sound write. Brautigan's sentence is one of those measuring sticks for me. It says something interesting, in an interesting way, and sounds beautiful as it says it.

This also happens to be the opening line from the book, In Watermelon Sugar. Now, that's an opening. This book was very much on my mind in the earliest stages of working on the novel I've recently finished. There's a dream quality to the book that is handled so beautifully and delicately that I admire. I didn't go back to look at the book, because I never like to be influenced by, but rather inspired by. Instead, I just dwelt on the impressions I had from reading it so long ago. Those impressions became the inspiration for some of the elements in my book.

Opening lines aren't really my thing. I mean, I appreciate them and spend a lot of time on my own, but I'm not obsessive about them either as some readers tend to be. But since I happened to chose one today, I thought I'd share another.

"A screaming comes across the sky."
— Thomas Pynchon (Gravity's Rainbow)

Arguably the finest opening line ever, this one also inspired part in my new novel. When I read this book two years back, I spent many hours thinking about this line. I still do. It certainly inspired a key element in my story. I could never get the image of my head...neither can my character.

Impossible Questions, Unsatisfying Answers

Sometimes the simplest, most obvious questions are the most difficult to answer. One such question is the inevitable, "So, what's your new book about?"

Camera pans over to me. Eyes open wide. Mouth in a stutter. A maddening scramble of ums and ahs as I try to find a sentence or two that explains 300 pages of writing. It's not that I don't know what the book is about, it's just that I don't know how to convey it easily.

In the end, there's a lot "it's about (such and such) but that's not really what it's about." One of the problems is that character is such a big part of my writing that to simply describe the plot tells you very little about what I consider the reading experience or point of the book to be.

Also in my defense, if I could sum up what a novel was about in a few sentences, I wouldn't be a novelist. I'd write song lyrics. By our nature, novelists ramble. We can't tell a story quickly because we are obsessed with the little things. The details. The details. God how we love the details.

But of course, there is a need for a brief summary. A succinct phrasing to interest and tease. After all, readers need some way to pick and choose between the mountain range of books. So, here's my attempt:

My new book is about a young girl struggling with reality in a world that has gone insane.

Once You've Gone, I'm Alone

Upon finishing a novel, or any work where considerable time is spent with one character like a series, there's a grieving period that takes place. It happens to me every time. After months of a character's voice living with you, as a kind of ghost speaking through you, it suddenly goes silent.

I've always looked at characters as these kind of ghosts that the writer helps into existence. Once your task is complete and they've gone, you're left with a bit of an empty feeling. You miss them. Not in an overly depressing way, more like leaving a perfect visit with a good friend that you know you won't see for some time and somewhere in the back of your mind, you know the next time you meet, you might not be as close as you were.

This is the same feeling that drives readers to yearn for sequels, or when a reader really doesn't want a book to end and tries to turn the pages as slowly as possible. As the writer, the creator of these fictions, that feeling can be much more intense as you can imagine. For me, this is why it always means so much when readers say how much a book or character meant to them. It lets you know that didn't let go for nothing - that your character is off making new friends, living within more people, becoming more real with each one.