Thursday, September 16, 2010

The Hazards of Having Cat Assistants

My office isn't exactly a hustling bustling corporate atmosphere. It's basically just me with piles of paper and books stacked in ever-expanding mountain range across the varied surfaces and floor. There's of course my rather giant stuffed elephant and his basket of apples that he picked, the dolls in the corner that whisper inspiration to me from the toy world and the army of visual stimulation that covers the walls. And then....there's the cats.

Having two cat assistants has its perks, but don't doubt for a minute that there aren't hazards. I figured today was as good as any to do their employee evaluations.

1. Always On Time: My one cat's mental alarm is hard to change the settings. She's persistent when it comes to wake-up time and other is persistent in marching me off to the office. There is the occasional ability to put the first cat on snooze, but it's a highly complicated process. Even when it works, the other cat acts as a back-up alarm. Though annoying, I suppose these traits are a benefit and they need some credit for this.

2. Lap Time: Now it may seem that having a purring cat nesting in your lap as you attempt to work on the computer is a nice thing and for the most part it is as long as you ignore the fact that it is simply there to rob you of heat and attention. There's also the nudging of the hand if petting ceases for too long, which always risks the spillage of coffee onto the keyboard and complete loss of potentially days worth of work. I have had many near misses over the past year.

3. Lunch Time/ Nap Time: The mid-day break requires an intricate ballet of behavior with both of the feline help and takes up more time than it need. The biggest danger is the cat habit of immediately snoozing after the feast and the tempting looks they use to encourage you to join them in the abyss of afternoon sleep.

4. Quitting Time is Absolute: Again this might feel like a plus. One should have an established quitting time. The cats adhere to it diligently. Work too long, and they begin a wrestling match among the previous mentioned mountains of papers, which regardless of their beliefs, are actually important. Trying to finish up those last minute things becomes a high stress bout of referee jurisdiction.

But despite all the trials and tribulations, I suppose I'd rehire them again anytime.


  1. Stunning evaluations!
    My cat assistant fell on my head off the window ledge at two thirty this morning!

  2. They're not called Familiars for nothing.