Saturday, September 19, 2009

Avast, mateys! Talk Like a Pirate Day be here at last!

It's here . . . Talk Like a Pirate Day! Get yer grog flowing and sing a chanty, it be time to celebrate! Though beware, being a pirate can be full of danger! 

"CAPTAIN!" Vicky yelled at the top of her lungs. She shouted so loud, I had to cover my ears, but the captain still didn't notice.

That's when Inna went up to him and tugged on his coat. Then she gave him a nudge. And when that didn't work, she gave him a swift poke in his belly!

"QUIET!" the captain roared, and the whole crew hushed. "NOBODY POKES THE CAP'N!"

All eyes turned to us! Finally we had the crew's attention!

"But Cap'n . . . we have to tell you something," I said.

He looked us up and down.

"Blimey! Where have ye soggy sea pups been?" the cap'n asked. "You're dripping from head to tail!"

"Arrr! 'Tis not safe to swim without letting the cap'n know," Peg Leg Pedro scolded us. "I thought they would've taught ye that at Pirate School!"

Vicky put her hands on her hips and made a huff. "ARRR! We didn't go swimming! We went belowdecks!"

"Belowdecks!" Captain Dan shouted. "But that would mean we sprung a leak!"

"That's what we've been trying to tell you," I explained.

"Before I could say anything . . . WHAM!

The Bone Rattler was struck on both sides! It got stuck between two huge rocks and stopped sailing!

Suddenly every pirate's timbers started shaking and shivering. It was clear that the ship was sinking!

"Great stormy seas!" Captain Dagger Dan roared. "ALL HANDS ABANDON SHIP!"

Sailing the seas ain't all easy. And sometimes, it's hard to get a lazy vessel full of thrill-seeking pirates to pay attention to you. So, when that situation arises, a swift poke in the belly is a good way to get some respect. Another way is to insult the blaggard. Nothing gains a pirate respect like a good insult. That's why, with the last entry in Pirate School week, I'm leaving you with some of my favorite pirate insults.

Blunder Head: (also blunderer) Reserved for the clumsy, sea slipperiest of acts, a blunder head is what landlubbers might to refer to as a bone head. But blunder is much funnier.

Greedy Guts: The skull and bone ships are full of this type. A greedy guts cares only for their own share of the bounty. A greedy guts takes too much treasure, gobbles more than his or her share of Seaweed Slop, and is generally a big hog!

Scallywag: Possibly the worst thing a pirate could be called. Being a scallywag (or fraidy pirate) goes against every fiber of the a pirate's fearless nature. 

Daft: A funner way of calling someone dumb.

Hogwash and Gullyfluff: Saying this words accomplish the same thing. By using these expletives, you are basically calling the other pirate as being a fibber.

Barnacles: No pirate likes to be referred to as these shelled beasts that are just scrappers on to the ship. It's as good as calling them useless.

Polliwogs: Especially reserved for wee pirate kiddos, nothing gets at a pirate kid's sails all bunched up quite like being called a polliwog.

I hope you've learned a lot this week and enjoy yer day of plundering. But of course, the fun doesn't have to end. At the nearest book store, the treasure of the complete Pirate School series that be a treasure worth seeking right there, mates!

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